By David P. CrewsAyahuasca is a ropy vine whose name means "Vine of the Soul". In Columbia and Ecuador, it is called Yaje. In Brazil, it is known as caapi, and indeed the scientific name is Banisteriopsis Caapi. This holistic plant medicine is made from boiling this vine along with at least one other important plant, usually the leaves of the chacruna plant. This complex combination releases the potency of the vine and the leaves once it is reduced down to a kind of tea and taken as a drink.
This substance has been used in this manner for literally thousands of years. Many thousands of people take and use Ayahuasca on a regular basis today for many purposes.
The expert shaman who uses and guides others in the use of this amazing plant medicine is called an Ayahuascero.
It is difficult to speak of Ayahuasca without incurring profound misunderstandings and misinterpretation by any Western audience. We are products of our modern civilization , a wonderful culture of science and progress when aimed at the good and working for the betterment of humankind. However, many sacred things in our world have been destroyed, abused, and demonized by our reductionist / scientific society.
Almost all psychoactive substances have been specifically demonized and made illegal by our society. Worse, they have been summarily shoved into the same category as destructive substances, such as the abusive narcotics, with no proof they belong there. Consequently, we have been trained to think of them as "drugs" and attach all the negative things we've been taught about such drugs TO them. For most of us, our thinking about such things is reactionary.
In traditional cultures, however, such powerful mind-altering plant medicines are respected and used in a sacramental and carefully managed manner. They know that such energies must be used carefully and used for legitimate reasons - primarily to heal.
It is also worth remembering that a large percentage of our modern useful allopathic medicines or drugs have their source in the tropical forests. Poisons also do exist, of course, and such things are to be avoided or used properly through the wisdom of accumulated knowledge.
So, it is important that we understand what Ayahuasca is NOT.
Ayahuasca is not a drug. It is not addictive. It is not dangerous when used properly, basing such use on the vast and ancient experience of the shamanic society that uses it every day.
Ayahuasca is decidedly NOT a recreational substance. It is notoriously difficult and unpleasant to work with, very demanding, and is not predictable in its effects from one person to another, or from one session to another for the same person, a charactaristic that sets it apart from "recreational drugs" that are desired for their predictable effects.
Ayahuasca IS a very potent Plant Medicine and a Spiritual Teacher Plant. It's effects are profound
and mysterious, but are becoming more known and better documented in our times. It is used for many purposes, but in traditional societies it is used primarily in a healing mode for physical and psychological or spiritual illnesses.
It is very effective at treating and preventing addictions to drugs and alcohol, and it is used in a therapeutic way in many places for just this purpose, with excellent results.
Along with its many medicinal qualities, however, Ayahuasca is THE quintessential vision-producing plant. There are many terms used to describe "vision-producing," including "psychedelic" and "hallucination." These terms are almost all problematic due to their incorrectness and due to the unfortunate cultural attachments we have to them based on the way such things were presented and abused in the 1960's.
"Hallucination," in particular, implies that the visions one sees are fictions created by the brain and are therefore decidedly not real. Now, whether the visions are real or not is a crucial ontological question, but for most people, this term - hallucination - prejudges in the negative. I will simply say "Visions" and leave the judging out of the terminology.
My approach to encountering these visions is that of the Western scientist / philosopher. I desire to know if these things are real or not, and so I am conducting an experiment with the substance in question. As Carl Jung said, it must be experienced personally from within, in order to be able to assess it. As I describe the visions to you, I will simply describe them as they appear to be – that is, real. You may be skeptical of them, or you may wish to suspend your disbelief for a while and travel with me to see how it looks from the viewpoint of an active participant. In the final analysis, each person must decide for themselves, or decide to remain undecided.
It is wise to understand what one is getting involved with when taking powerful medicines, so while we are speaking of the nature of Ayahuasca, let's take just a moment to talk about the fascinating chemistry of it.
The Ayahuasca vine is a woody vine that contains several potent psychoactive substances, namely: Harmine, Harmaline, and Tetrahydroharmine. None of these chemicals is vision-producing, but there are many benefits to the Ayahuasca vine alone and the shamans consider it to be the "power" in the brew. Ayahuasca is called the Mother of Plants and while other ingredients are somewhat changeable, the tea always contains Ayahuasca and it is always referred to by the name of the vine, not the other components.
The visions come from the admixture plants, usually the leaves of the chacruna plant – scientific name "psychotria virdis", (which tells you something). If the vine is the power, the shamans refer to these plants as the "light."
These plants contribute an important chemical called NN-Dimethyltryptamine, or DMT for short. DMT is one of the family of tryptamines that have a very similar physical form to Serotonin. It is believed that this is why they are so potent in the brain, since they lock into the same receptors as serotonin.
Pure DMT is the most potent vision-producing substance known to exist. It is far more powerful than LSD or any other tryptamine, natural or man-made (and LSD is an artificial, man-made chemical). It also has a very different effect from other substances, an effect that is enhanced and moderated properly in the matrix of Ayahuasca.
DMT is actually present in many plants, but is not normally active if ingested, due to enzymes in the stomach that break it down before it can get into the brain. If you just eat chacruna leaves, you won't see any visions at all.
The amazing fact is that out of all the billions of possible combinations of plant recipes in the jungle, the ancient tribal peoples discovered this combination. When Ayahuasca vine and the chacruna leaves are boiled together and one drinks the tea, the vine acts as an MAO inhibitor, essentially neutralizing the enzymes in the stomach that prevent the DMT from reaching the brain.
One of the few contraindications for medicines while working with Ayahuasca, is that a person cannot be taking any other MAO inhibitors like pharmaceutical anti-depressants, such as Prozac, to avoid a potential hypertensive crisis (because you doubled up).
This vine and leaf combination has been noted and described as one of the most astonishingly efficient chemical delivery systems known to exist - a combination that in no way should be obvious or discoverable by sheer experimentation.
If one asks the shamans how this came to be known, they have a simple if disturbing answer for us. They will tell you that the plants themselves told them how to do it.
By the way, DMT - dimethyltriptamine - is a Schedule 1 substance in the United States. It is completely illegal. However, DMT is also endogenous in humans. That means we produce it ourselves, naturally, in small amounts in our brains. So . . . everyone reading this page is technically a producer and distributor of a Federal, Schedule 1, illegal substance!!
One more by-the-way: There are two syncretic Christian churches based in Brazil – the Santo Daime, and Unio de Vegetal (literally: Union of the Vegetable) – that use Ayahuasca as their sacrament. These churches have been expanding and now have branches in Europe and in the United States. The UDV recently fought a battle in the U.S.Supreme Court to have the equivalent rights to use this sacrament as the Native American Church does to use peyote – and for the same rationale.
This last winter, they WON that case in the Supreme Court.
Working with Ayahuasca requires several things
First, one must go on a particular diet before and after the work. Pork is avoided for two weeks. Several days prior to the sessions, one must refrain from salts, sugars, caffeine, and any fermented products like alcohol or even aged cheeses. This clears out the body system and prevents chemical or food imbalances or excesses from becoming the focus of the work that Ayahuasca does with you.
I mentioned that Ayahuasca is not a recreational substance. Ayahuasca is a powerful purgative. It makes most people vomit – sometimes quite forcefully.
It can also go the other way and become diarrhea. If one has a lot of junk in their body, the purging can be negative and difficult. Otherwise, the purge is acleansing and healthful process that clears and repairs the digestive tract. It makes a good anti-parasitic medicine for this reason.
Sexual stimulation is also prohibited for several days before to after the sessions. Like any powerful energy source, the medicine is sensitive to energies we bring to it and any energies of a sexual nature or of, say, an antagonistic nature are likely to turn the session in that direction to the detriment of the healing and positive spiritual work we desire from it.
Ayahuasca is very unpleasant to take. The horrific taste of the tea is well known and well deserved. It is usually described as very bitter and nauseating. One hopes to simply get it down quickly and keep it in for at least a half-hour in order to let it have effect. Purge bowls are provided for each participant in the event you need to let go. Later in the session, most people do purge, as I mentioned, for healthy reasons. The sound of purging is part of what is expected during ceremony, and it can even be something of a group effect phenomenon. Such purges often mark a significant point of change in the visions process, as well.
Once ingested, the onset of the effects of the brew happen in about 30 to 40 minutes. The length of the session is between five and six hours. You WILL be under the visionary influence of the brew for that long, regardless of what happens.
The sessions are conducted at night – after darkness falls. This is to make the visions easier to experience and process. Candles are lit to start the ceremony. Then, after all have drunk the tea, the last candle goes out and the ceremony continues for the five or so hours in complete darkness in the room.
The visions, when they come, can be very fragile or extremely overpowering. They can tease you, teach you, astound you, make you laugh out loud, cause you great fear, or let you feel cosmic peace and joy. They can be complex patterns of lights and flowing, flying geometry with bright neon colors, or they can be scenes of ancient or alien lands and people, with truly astonishing detail, color, and versimilitude. They can be meetings with beings or animals that seem to inhabit another dimension, or they can take you to the palaces of the Gods.
You may descend into lower realms of great stress and fear. Many times, this hard trial is an essential part of the powerful psychological healing that is a strong component of Ayahuasca work, but such direct healing is not delivered gently.
You are likely to encounter several creatures common to Ayahuasca visions, such as large snakes, or jaguars, who may test you, help you . . .or devour you.
You may, if you are fortunate, even encounter the true Spirit of the Vine, called Madre Ayahuasca (Mother Ayahusca). She is almost always seen as female, but She takes many forms.
Ayahuasca is a communal activity. One does not take it while alone. Within the group setting, the ayahuascero shaman conducts the ceremonial and ritual activities and guides the energy of the sessions, up or down as needed, by singing special songs called "icaros."
These icaros are simple sounding and usually repetitive songs either whistled or sung in a mixture of Spanish and Quechua or other native languages. The icaros help to entrain us into the visionary space and they influence mood and pacing during the sessions. They act as a kind of communication with the spirit world, as well. The icaros are said to be given to the shaman by the plants he or she works with.
In many of the icaros he sang for us, Don Rober was often calling out to "Doctorcito" - the little doctors, or the little spirit beings who can come to help heal humans.
The atmosphere in the ceremony is one of serious attention and purpose and a respectfulness toward the plants and the people one is working with, but it is not one of solemn restrictions, or rigid formality. A sense of happy excitement and joy suffuses the group as we quietly approach what we know is an extraordinary and precious experience.
9-17-06 Sunday
It rained most of the night – a wonderful jungle rainstorm with occasional thunder and some downpours. I was snug and safe under my thatch roof.
As we were eating a good breakfast, a large tree crashed in the selva (jungle) behind the lodge, almost coming down on top of the Ayahuasca cooking tambo.
This morning's work was to watch and help with the cooking of the brew. Two huge pots boiled over wood fires, and Don Rober was watching things closely and blessing the ingredients with mapacho smoke. We all had to smoke the mapacho, and bless the Ayahuasca. Mapacho is a large “cigarette” of a sacred tobacco. It is made from the species “nicotiana rustica” – a completely different species from commercial tobacco. It has none of the tars and other additives, and it is considered a sacred and visionary plant by the shamans. When used properly, mapacho is a true medicine plant rather than an unhealthy substance.
This was the first time I had ever smoked, but the mapacho smoke is not inhaled into the lungs and it is an integral and somewhat mind-altering part of the ritual process. This ties us in to the sacred space of the great teacher plants. We worked and watched all morning as the brew was condensed and cooked down. The entire process of cooking the Ayahuasca can take more than 12 hours.
Everyone is thinking about our journey tomorrow – the real journey that will redefine us. It is awesome to contemplate and more than a bit scary, but we are a great group and will work with Ayahyasca with honor and authenticity.
9-18-06 Monday – First Ayahuasca Session
A misty sunrise - I took some photos and met Don Rober coming from the kitchen tambo. What an amazing man. He looks so "normal" and nondescript, but I know he is a master shaman and will be in full control tonight.
I'm glad Howard structured our experiences this way. Originally, I assumed we would do the first ceremony last night, but he wanted us to have time to get fully into the Ayahuasca diet and psychic space here and to integrate as a group. I think that by tonight, we are all going to be ready for this, but it still seems quite intimidating.
We had a good breakfast of eggs and fruit and potato fries (unsalted, of course). This meal is larger and more protein oriented than lunch, which will be light - fruit only. No dinner tonight as we head into the sessions around 8 pm. Ayahuasca is a strong purgative and any excess food in our systems can be problematic during the sessions.
I went to take a shower (cold water) and get a shave. It feels good to get cleaned and put on my ceremonial clothing for the rest of the day and night. This is mainly a request to wear white or very light colors, especially for a shirt or blouse. I feel like I am going to church for the first time for real.
Howard called in each of us to meet Don Rober personally and express our intentions and needs for healing during tonight's session. The formulation and stating of authentic Intentions is crucial to the work with Ayahuasca. It can strongly affect the way the plant works with you to heal and to teach.
My emotional self is apprehensive about the intensity of what is to come, but I am in Peaceful Warrior mode, using my power to choose and to Do in order to gain information and power. Not power over others, but power over my own self-limitations and self-deceptions. The sacred space of this place and the ritual of the pacing, activities, and food have been very helpful to calm me and let me focus on the work to be done. This will not be easy. It may be very difficult at times. This is part of the medicine and the work that is to be done.
Ayahuasca session one - Monday night
We rested and contemplated the ceremony for the rest of the day. Darkness fell, and we convened at 8:30 in the ceremonial room. We had arranged our small rocking chairs and brought our pillows and blankets. It is best to sit during the ceremony so that one does not become tempted to sleep or otherwise become lost in the vision space
The helpers half-filled our purge bowls with water and eight candles were lit on the mesa at the end of the room. These provide our only light. The mesa or table contains many spiritual and symbolic items, including a loop of the Ayahuasca cappi vine. It is surrounded by wonderful drapes made by the Shipibo people. Each has a mandala painting depicting a cross section of the vine with vision geometry surrounding it.Some of the Yahua people came and sat outside the room to also take part in our session. The chief joined us inside the room.
Don Rober made his opening statements, translated by Howard, then began his first healings by going around the room, cleansing us with mapacho smoke on our heads and torsos, and patting our heads with his shacapa while whistling his icaros. This is very comforting and sets the tone for the ceremony.
The shacapa is a leaf fan that acts as a soft rattle throughout the ceremony. The icaros are the songs the shaman sings or whistles that guide the visions during the night. Don Rober will sing them for the next five or six hours straight.
Now, all but one candle is extinguished. Don Rober blesses the Ayahuasca with mapacho smoke and whistles an icaro song into the bottle – singing to the Spirit of the plant.
Then, the moment came and we were called up one by one to take the Ayahuasca drink. I went second. I went to the mesa and kneeled before the two shamans.
Howard poured the tea into a small cup and Don Rober handed it forward to me.
I silently expressed my Intentions to the Spirit of the plant, then I held my nose and took the drink in one draught.
Ayahuasca has a well-deserved reputation for tasting terrible. Up until now, I had been very focused on what this would be like and how nasty the drink would be and whether I would gag or throw it up immediately. In fact, it was surprisingly not-so-bad and I had no trouble drinking and holding it. It has a definitely unpleasant earthy, pungent, oily taste, but it was not viscous, and truly had the consistency of tea or water. The taste is quite difficult to describe.
My Intention was this: “Let me SEE; Let me LEARN WHAT I NEED TO LEARN; and please HEAL me.”
Once everyone has partaken of the brew, including Don Rober of course, the final candle is extinguished and the rest of the ceremony is conducted in total darkness. Only the occasional flare of a match for lighting a mapacho breaks the darkness, but after a while, my eyes adjust and I can make out the shadowy outlines of the people in the room.
Don Rober ceases his whistling icaros now as we wait for the onset of the Ayahuasca effects. Later, he will begin the singing icaros that guide us throughout the night. For now, however, only the susurrus of the jungle night sounds, with the occasional eerie barking of the bamboo rats nearby and far away, surround us as we wait in the darkness.
The session ended at 2:30 am with the first words spoken in all that time. A candle was lit, and Howard said, "Well friends, we have come to our intermission."
What he meant is that the ceremonial session is not officially over until the flower bath in the morning, which I will describe shortly.
At this point, however, everyone is free to go back to their rooms and sleep if they can. I am feeling better now, but very dizzy still, and tired and wrung out with all the sweating and high-voltage buzzing. I made it up the long wooden walk to my room and my bed and fell asleep – after a good purge from the other end.
A funny side note from later discussions:
In my opening remarks to the group, I had mentioned how I had been brought up in a kind of "Leave It To Beaver" style household without alcohol, drugs, or foul language. During the session, I had been seated next to H., an artist and fellow Texan, who was on my right.
When I had my "episode", I had been afraid that I had screamed out loud, as I felt that I was doing in my mind, thus disturbing the entire group. As it turned out, I only mumbled, and H. said he heard the word "reach". When I was reaching for that door, though, I did reach out physically with my right arm and nearly punched H. in the face!
He asked me if I knew what my first words were when I came to on the floor, and I said I had no memory of it. "You said, 'GEE WHIZ!', which really cracked me up!" Howard said he heard me say that, too, and they both thought it was very funny. I said, "I told you I was brought up right!"
9-19-06 Tuesday
I'm feeling fine after a good, short night's sleep, but I'm concerned about the strong episode last night, in case it is something specific to me, which would make it likely to happen again. Many of the other participants came up to give me love and encouragement. Don Rober came up to me and asked if I was "bien?" I assured him I was fine, and he smiled and patted me on the back.
Howard reassured me that "Ayahuasca can do that!" This kind of episode is rare, but it is something that can turn out to have deep meaning later on. He told me that it was highly unlikely that I would have an episode like that again, but if I did, I would know how to handle it.
After breakfast, Don Rober started administering our flower baths.
The flower bath is a ritual bathing with river water mixed with very aromatic flower petals – sounds nice, but that water is COLD!
The flower bath is the official ending of the Ayahuaca session. This serves to close up our pores and also to close up the psychic space that was opened in the ceremony. It is essential to the process. Don Rober dips out the water and pours it over me – head to toe, and I squealed like a pig, causing him to laugh.
Then, he smokes the mapacho, blowing the healing smoke into my hair, and whistles his icaros while patting with his shacapa. The overall effect (after recovering from the shock of the cold water) is one of peace and comfort. I always felt very grateful to Don Rober after he finished my flower baths.
We will be going back-to-back sessions with ceremony number two tonight.
At dusk we all gathered for our talking-stick discussions of last night's session. Each person in turn holds a large carved stick and speaks as long as they want without interruptions or questions.
Most of the others described their sessions last night as mellow and pleasurableexperiences and even commented on how weak the Ayahuasca mixture seemed.
I was nearly last to speak, so I had a bit of fun, then, when my turn came and I said with a big smile "Well . . . I had a psychotic episode!" (this got a good-hearted laugh); and then I said, "But WE are much better now!"
After today's activities and sharing all our experiences, I am feeling much more confident coming into session two tonight.
While waiting to go into the 8:30 pm session, several of us were star-gazing on a nice, clear night. I was hoping to see the Southern Cross, which I've never seen before, but it was too far to the South into the trees. The Milky Way was gorgeous out here in the dark skies of the Amazon.
Ayahuasca session two - Tuesday night
My Intention ths time was a modification of last night's. It was: “Let me SEE, Let me LEARN without hurting me, and please HEAL me.”
One of the important characteristics of Ayahuasca that separates it from being categorized as a drug is the fact that the effects are never the same twice, and they are often profoundly different from one drinker to the next, even from the exact same cup of the brew. Ayahuasca seems to fit itself perfectly to each person and to take each person on a specific pathway that has continuous and connected meaning.
Then it was time to partake of the tea again. Although others found it truly disgusting, the drink seemed about the same to me tonight – not that bad. I had no trouble drinking it or keeping it down.
I must admit to some trepidation leading into the onset of the effects tonight, waiting to see if I would be launched into hyperspace again. When the onset came, it was quite different from before and I could tell it was going to be ok. Much relief! Now, perhaps, I can just relax and enjoy it more, and try to see and learn as much as possible.
I did not have the same level of high-voltage buzzing as last night. The buzzing came up strongly, but not nearly so overwhelming. Plus, I did not break out in a full sweat as before, so I was MUCH more comfortable throughout the five or six hours.
This buzzing in my extremities, limbs, and face was actually rather enjoyable now. I perceived the facial effect as a kind of blue neon mask that I decided to call "monkey face". I decided that this overall effect must be what is normally experienced in a session, and I was happy to relax into it.
Then, as Don Rober sang his icaros, I drifted into vision space and the first imagery I saw was a simple matrix of white dots. This faded and became a series of scenes of photographically realistic architectural details – an exterior wall with a part of a window frame in view; a kitchen wall of pretty tiles; a porch floor of nice wooden slats, and so on. The views of these were all in slow motion, as if I were a camera on a dolly.
Also, these visions all had an emotional overlay connected to them that I can only express as a combination of poignancy, melancholy, and perhaps, regret or sublime sadness.
I drifted in and out of visions after this, but I can't recall them very well. I don't yet believe I've crossed this level's threshold into the kind of visions that most of the others are obviously experiencing.
I had a very relaxed and pleasant experience overall tonight, and the icaros were great. The energy was really much better. Everone was sighing or laughing in their visions throughout the night – except for me.
I did purge tonight, about an hour in. It was very clean and good, and long. It felt very cleansing and it made me more comfortable for the rest of the session. This is perhaps the first time I have ever purged as a healthy process instead of as a reaction to being ill.
Toward the end, I leaned back into my pillow and tried to concentrate on the visions that were left to me as I rested, but the visions were not strong, and the session seemed mundane to me overall. I admit to being somewhat disappointed with this turn of events, but I know that visions are not the only value of an Ayahuasca session and that sometimes, they simply do not come.
We ended at about 2:00 am and I went back to my room to sleep well the rest of the night.
9-20-06 Wednesday
Everyone is glowing and peacefully happy today. I had my usual breakfast omelet and some toast with honey, and some pineapple.
Don Rober came in and gave me a hug and asked with a nod and "Los noches? – last night?" if I had a good experience this time. I said "Bien," and he smiled and patted me on the back. Then it was time for my flower bath. I told Don Rober I was ready for my "Banos FRIO" (cold bath), and he laughed.
In our talking stick circle for last night's session, most everyone had indeed experienced greatly enjoyable and strong visions, unlike my mundane session (almost the reverse from the first night). Many of the others had experienced the kind of wondrous visions I had asked to see – but did not see.
It was time to take stock and see if I could make sense of my vision experiences so far. Ayahuasca is often referred to as some kind of a school that one enters. When a person takes Ayahuasca for the first time, he or she is in the first day of that school, and the name of the course seems to be: "WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN".
Now, this can be rather intimidating, since we don't always know what it is we need to learn, and whatever that thing is, may not be easy or pleasant to learn. Since I had specifically asked within my Intentions to be shown what I need to learn, I think this is exactly what I am being shown by the spirit of the plant.
I told the group that my interpretation right now is that, perhaps, the purpose of my visions are to force me to experience the high contrast of all emotional possibilities. Like most people, I tend to keep my emotional life within a comfortable range - not too negative and not too extreme in the positive, either – staying in the middle, where things are safer and less threatening. It seems that my lesson plan is to be broken out of those artificial boundaries – boundaries that may be limiting me in other ways.
And so, my first lesson in the first session was "Terror and Extreme Discomfort" and “Losing Who I Am in the Lower World." My second session was "Normalcy", “Mundane” with reasonable comfort and some mild visions, but no breakthroughs and no remarkable experiences.
So, I am now postulating that the third ceremony might be transformative into the upper realms and into full visioning. I told the group that I do not expect anything specifically, but I shall only observe what happens. Howard nodded in agreement with this attitude. But, the old saying is right that "one should be careful what one asks for, for you just might get it."
Ayahuasca Ceremony three - Thursday night
I have retained my opinion or interpretation I made yesterday that this session may lead me to an opposite extreme from the first session, forming some kind of triptych or three-panel art piece, or arc of experience. That idea seems to sing for me, and seems to be what is sticking in my mind.
But, I decided that I must change my Intention for this session. I realized that I had not been entirely open in my heart. I had been trying to get what I wanted and couch the request for it in careful language.
I was essentially demanding that Ayahuasca show me the visions I desired. I wanted to SEE and to LEARN what I wanted to see and learn.
For tonight's final session, I ditched that entire approach and I decided to just open myself up and let Ayahuasca take the lead and the control.
George Washington Carver once said, "Anything will give up its secrets, if you only love it enough."
My intention was: "OPEN ME UP; and SHOW ME LOVE. Let me be love."
There is an ancient practice or technique in shamanism called “soul retrieval”. It involves the recovery of the spiritual parts of the person that he left or lost somewhere, or that were stolen or borrowed by somebody else. The shaman travels off into the past or into alternate realities and finds the part of the person that was missing and invites it to come back.
Usually, this is accomplished by a human shaman – but it is not always so.
The drink was slightly more viscous tonight because it had been concentrated by Don Rober since the last session. I got it down with no problem, though. Since this was our third and final ceremony, Howard and Reyna placed a wonderful Ayahuasca necklace on each of us after we drank. It is beaded with natural beads and has a small cross-section of the actual Ayahuaca vine for a pendant.
One of my comrades, C., sat next to me tonight, and during the ceremony, he would sing along with some of the icaros (as I also did once in a while), plus there were some of the native people outside the room on the porch behind me, also singing. With Don Rober's singing and all these others, I had wonderful antiphonal surround-sound tonight!
AI entered Ayahuasca space easily again. There were some geometric patterns and colors, but they were muted. This session, the vision space felt different than before. The vine was strong and I could feel it deepening into me.
After a short while, drifting into visionary space, I noticed a transport, something like a train come up beside me on my left side. I decided to board it, but it was too small to enter, so I thought I should straddle it like a horse. I did this, and then the transport turned into a huge Ayahuasca snake. It's head was in front of me a short distance, and as soon as I was on, it began to move without looking back at me.
I was now riding the back of the Ayahuasca snake, who took me down many lighted tunnels with geometrics and lines and colors, mostly blue. The tunnel spiraled around like the DNA helixes and sometimes it branched and we would go down one of the branches. I knew I was being taken deep into Ayahuasca space. After a while, this vision faded.
After this, I began to see some of the geometrics and morphing patterns I had heard about and wished to see. Intricate and beautiful patterns in lights. These shows usually don't have very much significance in terms of the visions, but they can be very spectacular and I always wished to experience them, especially since I am a digital artist who works with and creates visual special effects.
Unfortunately, all these patterns were muted and dimmed. They were there, but they were not being presented to me in full. I got the distinct impression that Ayahuasca was saying to me, "Yes, the patterns are there – there they are – but you don't need to see them. They are not important for you."
Then, the designs and dim geometric lights came to a halt in a pattern area that seemed to be a dome about twice the size of my headspace. This pattern was a simple matrix of dim white dots that stayed completely stationary and which seemed to me to be a veil or barrier of some kind.
It occurred to me then that I am indeed in Ayahuasca School, and this was a TEST. Ayahuasca Pop Quiz number one.
After a while, with the pattern seemingly just waiting for me, I asked aloud in my vision, "OK, how do I get past this? Isn't there a door somewhere?"
Immediately, a simple wooden door appeared in front of me, and I opened it and moved myself through it. On the other side, a fetching young native woman with long dark hair appeared before me and she motioned for me to come with her. I was intrigued and followed. She led me down a short hallway and then through another door.
We entered a place that might have been someone's back porch. It was pleasantly shadowed where we were, but brighter beyond, as if moving out into a garden or yard. I did not see that part directly, as my attention was on the young woman.
She still had her back turned to me, but now she turned around to face me and as she did so, her form changed and morphed into that of a very old, wizened, Indian woman with an extremely wrinkled face. Her white hair had some dark streaks still in it and it was pulled up behind her head in a bun. She had chin whiskers and missing teeth, but she was smiling a wonderful smile and had a twinkle in her very expressive eyes – eyes which seemed just slightly larger and deeper than a real person's eyes would be. I realized that I was now in the presence of the true Spirit of the Vine. This was Mother Ayahuasca herself.
She never spoke to me in words. Her expression was one of contained joy, waiting to share something with me. Now, this was such a complete surprise that I felt dumbfounded and didn't know what to do or what to say to her -- so I was just standing there before her.
She widened her expressive eyes, like an inquiry, and then she showed me something.
It was a coin.
I didn't know what to make of this, so she held it up for me to see. And, like a camera close up, I got a close view of the face of the coin. It was a standard Peruvian one sole coin. On its face it read: "Un Nuevo Sol."
Then the virtual camera switched back to her holding the coin. She widened her eyes even more in merriment and in inquiry again.
I felt a smile play on my lips. I knew this was important, but I still didn't know what to make of this coin.
Then, she smiled knowingly and took the coin and reached out towards me. She pressed the coin right into my heart.
All of a sudden, my jaw dropped because I understood. Mother Ayahuasca had just given me a great gift. The coin was a symbol, expressed as a bilingual play on words. "Un Nuevo Sol – ONE NEW SOUL".
This Mother of Plants was a Spirit being, and my spirit was the plant she had just lovingly tended to. She had renewed my SOUL.
Now, I had understood at last. Part of my own soul had been missing and I did not even know. I could feel the impact of it – a re-integration of love and of caring into the very fabric of my being.
As the emotional impact of this began to sink in, Mother Ayahuasca's ancient face lit up even more in laughter and joy, and with her eyes large and twinkling, this vision slowly faded away.
I was lost for a while in contemplation of my new energy and the strong emotions I was feeling. Some moments passed and then I realized that I had just experienced a very profound vision. I slowly came back to an awareness of the room and the sounds of Don Rober's singing. I could hardly believe my great fortune and I just held the image of Mother Ayahuasca's wonderful face in my mind.
This marvelous encounter and her gift to me truly opened me up. I found myself awake now and fully aware of myself in the Ayahuasca session. I also found myself in tears and I took up my Ayahuasca necklace and pressed the vine to my lips. I knew what I needed to do, then. With my vision-renewed soul, I reached out to my parents, sleeping in their beds in Texas, to send them my true love and my healing for their many ailments, and my compassion. I spent the next hour intently doing the same thing for all my extended family and all my friends in turn. I freely shed tears of empathy and joy throughout this time.
Eventually, I moved from these tears to a suffused glow of happiness.
I felt so good at this point that I said aloud in my vision space "I am so happy!" As I said it, white daisies appeared and rapidly overlapped each other to fill my entire field of view with blossoms. Then they faded away.
If I said, "I feel happy" again, the daisies immediately filled my view again in response.
It was a magnificent visual symbol reflecting my feelings, and this time, the visual image was in full color and volume.
I had other mild visions throughout the night, but nothing else of consequence or that I can remember.
Several hours later, near the end of our session, I saw Mother Ayahuasca once more. This time, only the eyes of her young Indian Woman manifestation appeared over the velvet black of the room. The eyes drifted downwards and then morphed into those of a jaguar. Then they slowly disappeared.
We ended later, at about 3am. I was still very dizzy from the drink, and I weaved my way back to my room like a drunken sailor, much to the amusement of Howard.
9-22-06 Friday
I got up about 8 and had breakfast and my flower bath. This time, I teased Don Rober by saying, "Hoy, aguas calientes, Si??" ("Today, the water is hot, yes?") He laughed and said, "Si!!" Then he pointed to the chair as if to say "Right. Now have a seat!". That water was just as cold as last time!
Now that the ceremonies are over and we are off of the strict part of the dieta, we were served chicken and mashed potatoes with butter for lunch today, along with beans and mango.
Afterwards, we had a wonderful rain storm blow through for our last talking stick circle. I enjoyed sharing my story with everyone and noted that my interpretation had been accurate and that I had, indeed, received my "triptych" or arc of contrast from terror, through normalcy, to true and pure love. I had the wonderful and unexpected pleasure of a personal visitation by Madre Ayahuasca and had received a priceless gift of the heart from her.
Goethe once said that "the manifestation of a phenomenon is not detatched from the observer - it is caught up and entangled in his individuality."
At the end of our journey here, there is a significant ontological question to be considered, and it is fundamental to why I came to work with Ayahuasca in the first place. Was this manifestation of Mother Ayahuasca an actual REAL entity, separate from myself and existing independently? Or, is this a creative manifestation of some kind originating in and coming from my own brain/mind? A case can be made either way, and I am not yet sure I can make a determination.
To be honest, I lean toward her being a real entity, as most partakers of Ayahuasca would say. One of the strongest arguments in this regard is the astonishing detail and the complete surprise of this vision and others like it. When Mother Ayahuasca showed me that coin, it was a complete surprise. Also, I had absolutely no clue or idea of the coin symbol until the moment she pressed it onto my heart. That was a complex idea that did not originate in my mind, as far as I am or can be aware. These images and interactions have all the hallmarks of authentic interactions between separate people or entities.
There is, of course, no way I can (or should) impose my observations in this regard on any other person. To do so would be tantamount to creating a faith based belief system. "I saw this, and therefore others should accept that what I saw is real."
Shamanism is fundamentally about direct, personal experience, and the interpretations we make concerning the things we see directly and personally, remain a personal judgment for each one who seeks such experiences.
For myself, whether (or if ever) I finally decide one way or the other on this ontological question, I can say that this third session represents what I would deem my very first authentic religious experience. For someone who has been immersed in and seriously studied religion for over 50 years, that is truly saying something.David P. Crews
Austin, Texas
September and October, 2006
Source: www.jaguarfeather.com
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